This is my beer.
 
There are many like it, but this one is mine.
 
My beer is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life.
 
Without me, my beer is undrank. Without my beer, I am undrunk.
 
I must drink my beer true. I must drink along with my friends who are trying to cheer me. I must occasionally do shots with them.
 
I will… My beer and I know that what counts in the pub is not the rounds we drink, the noise of our bullshitting, nor the gas we make.
 
We know that it is our friends that count.
 
We will hoist… My beer is happy, even as I, because it is my passion. Thus, I will learn it as a brother. I will learn its weaknesses, its strength, its parts, its accessories, its sites and its barrels. I will keep my beer clean and ready, even as I am clean and ready. We will become part of each other.
 
We will… Before God, I swear this creed. My beer and I are the defenders of awesome. We are the masters of our enemy. We are the savourers of life. So be it, until all friends are ours and there is no enemy, but peace!

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